Tuesday, May 23, 2006
cyclic thoughts
Okay, I won't bore you with the whole sad story of my computer melt-down and the hours spent carting it backwards and forwards to my favourite computer fellas - but sad to say I have lost everything I have written or received for the past 2.5 years.
On the plus side, there wasn't anything all that valuable in there - or at least if there was I can't immediately think of it - just my musings and ramblings, things I wanted to look back on in years to come, emails from friends, oh, and all their email addresses! Wasn't like the great Australian novel was lurking in the background. The blog is still on the web, so I've still got that, and I had put most of the photos on disc.
Of course I think I've now learned to back up my documents... well for today I have anyway.
I really miss my scrabble game, purchased you may recall with much difficulty from GameHouse. I resent paying that US$20 for something I only got to use for about 6 months. Don't suppose they'd send me another copy for free?
The worst part for me is that I'm easily brought down. When I lose stuff I value I don't feel angry, I have no idea how to remedy the situation, I just feel like: what's the use of caring about anything or anyone when it can all be taken away so randomly, with no input or action on my part having any effect on the outcome - fire or cyclone could destroy my keepsakes and memories, people walk away when they feel like it and the more you care, the more you hurt. I could slip over tomorrow and end up in a wheelchair... you get the drift... and in the end, what can you do but shrug off your losses and keep going with whatever is left.
So why care about anything? Why not block emotions that cling to things or people?
Why do we CARE so much, when the inevitable result of caring is loss and pain?
Well I'm glad I got all that out. Perhaps now I'll put my "loss" into perspective and give thanks that it was only a few pages of useless blather I lost and not something I really care about!
Giving thanks for dear family and friends who have not walked away and who remain healthy and happy, the pen and paper scribbles (mine and others) that have followed me around for ever, the years of photo albums and discs, happy memories, good food, wine, a comfortable home, a decent job, financial independence (if far from riches)... hey, I feel better already. Guess if I didn't care about anything I wouldn't feel good either.
And after all, my computer is now a blank page just waiting to be filled with new good stuff.
On the plus side, there wasn't anything all that valuable in there - or at least if there was I can't immediately think of it - just my musings and ramblings, things I wanted to look back on in years to come, emails from friends, oh, and all their email addresses! Wasn't like the great Australian novel was lurking in the background. The blog is still on the web, so I've still got that, and I had put most of the photos on disc.
Of course I think I've now learned to back up my documents... well for today I have anyway.
I really miss my scrabble game, purchased you may recall with much difficulty from GameHouse. I resent paying that US$20 for something I only got to use for about 6 months. Don't suppose they'd send me another copy for free?
The worst part for me is that I'm easily brought down. When I lose stuff I value I don't feel angry, I have no idea how to remedy the situation, I just feel like: what's the use of caring about anything or anyone when it can all be taken away so randomly, with no input or action on my part having any effect on the outcome - fire or cyclone could destroy my keepsakes and memories, people walk away when they feel like it and the more you care, the more you hurt. I could slip over tomorrow and end up in a wheelchair... you get the drift... and in the end, what can you do but shrug off your losses and keep going with whatever is left.
So why care about anything? Why not block emotions that cling to things or people?
Why do we CARE so much, when the inevitable result of caring is loss and pain?
Well I'm glad I got all that out. Perhaps now I'll put my "loss" into perspective and give thanks that it was only a few pages of useless blather I lost and not something I really care about!
Giving thanks for dear family and friends who have not walked away and who remain healthy and happy, the pen and paper scribbles (mine and others) that have followed me around for ever, the years of photo albums and discs, happy memories, good food, wine, a comfortable home, a decent job, financial independence (if far from riches)... hey, I feel better already. Guess if I didn't care about anything I wouldn't feel good either.
And after all, my computer is now a blank page just waiting to be filled with new good stuff.
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