Sweet sweat

This is going to be a big whinge post except first to say thank you to Matt in Sydney who signed my guest map last week - leave a comment every now and again Matt - and to those readers who commented this week and let me know I'm not simply talking to myself here.

Whinges:

1. My computer keeps shitting itself. One year ago in an excess of insanity brought about by extreme change in my personal circumstances I bought a computer. Now you may have gathered that I'm not terribly computer-literate, I don't download games or anything requiring masses of amounts of speed or memory, but, wanting to pamper myself a little and deciding I would probably keep this computer for 10 years, I spent zillions of dollars on a top of the range everything. After 3 months the super flat screen karked it and I had to battle to get it replaced. Now the computer keeps turning itself off at random and doing all sorts of other weird things. When I send the error reports to Microsoft I get a number of different reasons, all to do with the ATI Graphics driver. I've tried to follow the instructions for fixing it but just end up bamboozled. What I want is somewhere I can log into that can look at my computer, tell me what the hell is wrong with the graphics driver and fix it but no such luck. I've tried the instruction manuals but I can't find any of the programs they say I have that would re-load the driver or whatever... hell I don't even know what a driver is. Hey TECH would you like to come for a visit and fix it? Oh and my computer at work has lost the CD drive -just fails to recognise that I have one- and even the on-site technician can't work out how to fix that.

2. I'm feeling befuddled and nervous about everything. Work overwhelms me. I've even checked out the job sites for new jobs but every time I read the requirements I realise I can't do a whole heap of the things they are asking for.

3. I do very little in my spare time but can't find time to do stuff I want to do eg
I have not exercised once since my return to Darwin 2 weeks ago, I promised myself I would practice drawing every Monday night since I have not signed up for another course this term..dong! No, haven't done it.

4. I'm tired all the time and mean to go to bed early then don't because the evening just slips away

5. I owe emails to a couple of very special people and either don't know what to say or can't find time to say it.

6. I feel so alone and can't seem to communicate meaningfully with the people I care about most - just seem to piss them off every time I try.

7. I look in the mirror and see this wrinkled old hag that bears no resemblance to 'me'.

8. My ears have been colonized by some tropical fungus that won't clear up despite several different kinds of drops over the last month. Now my teeth are aching too.

Wow, that feels better!!! Think I might head out of town for the weekend and blow off all these cobwebs. Maybe the computer will have worked out its own problems when I get back.

Quote from the book I'm currently reading: Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult

"I realized that in a way I'd always been trying to find her. Except I hadn't been chasing her, she'd been chasing me. She was always there when I looked over my shoulder, reminding me of who I was and how I got to be that way. Until today I had believed she was the reason I had lost Jake, the reason I'd run from Nicholas, the reason I'd left Max. I saw her at the root of every mistake I'd ever made. But now I wondered if she really was the enemy. After all, I seemed to be following in her footsteps. She had run away too, and maybe if I knew her reasons I'd understand mine. For all I knew, my mother could be just like me."

If you like thinking about why people act the way they do, rather than simply following the action, you might like this book.